http://holleygerth.com/coffee-for-your-heart-love -Happily linking up today with Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart.
A Foolish Thing
I Corinthians 1:26-31 (NIV)
26 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you. 27 Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. 28 God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, 29 so that no one can ever boast in the presence of God. 30 God alone made it possible for you to be in Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Christ to be wisdom itself. He is the one who made us acceptable to God. He made us pure and holy, and he gave himself to purchase our freedom. 31 As the Scriptures say, "The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done."
I don't really remember when it started but it seems that it was always there. I have struggled many years with feelings of low self-esteem, fear, anxiety, insecurity and loneliness. I thought at one point that I would never get passed these things and they would always consume my life. Then there was God.
As a child I suffered being abandoned by my mother at two months old. My father died before I was born. I was taken in by my grandparents. My grandmother died of tuberculosis when I was about ten so my grandfather raised me until I was a young adult and then he died too.
I am an only child. My mother was also an only child so there are no aunts, uncles or cousins. I am not sure about my father's family but no one ever reached out to me so as far as I knew there was just me. My grandmother's sister had a couple of kids who had children that were my grand cousins I think but we lost touch. So as you can imagine I became a bit of a loner.
Eventually when I was about 16 years old I gave my life to Christ and He has been relentless in proving to me how much He loves me. Unfortunately and in spite of His pursuit I still took it upon myself to fill the voids that I had in life with the wrong things and the wrong people.
I got to a point that I was almost willing to do anything to be a part of somebody's family. I called other people's parents dad and mom. I called other people's sisters and brothers my sister and brother.
I did things that were against my own morals and even more importantly against God to try and earn love from people that did not have my best interest at heart. Somehow it was always revealed that I was not a real part of their family. I was extra hard on myself because I was always trying to prove that I belonged.
Eventually God blessed me with a husband and family of my own. Then a few years ago I seemed to hit rock bottom in my life. On the outside things seemed perfect. I was very active in church. I sang on the choir. My husband was an usher. All of our kids were doing well. I was pregnant with our fourth child and everything was wonderful.
After our daughter was born I slipped into a secret depression. It was a secret because I felt I could never let anyone know that I was not doing a good job handling being a mother again. People started coming to our family for help with different situations. I was happy to help but sadly I also used these circumstances to keep the focus shifted away from my own emotional demise.
At some point the illusion started slipping away. Things seemed to fall apart all around me. Then there was a moment that there was nobody but me and God. This led to many days that I just cried, sobbed and whined to the Lord.
I told him that I felt lonely and abandoned. I was tired of feeling like I was never good enough and that I would never be worthy enough to be used. I had put great expectations on my friend and family to make me feel whole and all of my efforts to feel whole through people and things had been in vain.
After my confession to God and through the tears I felt an overwhelming amount of God's love. It seemed after that moment every sermon, book and devotional that I read was about God's great unfailing love for me. As I prayed and read my Bible I allowed His words to possess my heart and mind. I started being deliberate in looking for scriptures, books, music, sermons and anything else that spoke to my soul about God's love for me.
That's how I learned that He is a father to the fatherless. (Psalm 68:5)
Once when I was reading my Bible and searching the scriptures I found the passage, I Corinthians 1:26-31 and it really touched my heart. It revealed to me that I had a misconception about what I need to be or have to be used and loved by God. I matter to Him just the way that I am. He has blessed me with a beautiful family and a few good friends but even if I never had any of that He is more than enough and I am enough because I have Him.
I am not abandoned or alone. I am loved and cherished. I am called. I am the foolish thing that the passage talks about that will show the world that regardless of what I lack I can boast. But my boasting will be in the Lord and not in myself.
These days I am so excited about the things that the Lord is doing through me. I am amazed that He chose someone that didn't think she had much to offer.
The Lord has also chosen you to be a "foolish thing." You think that you lack so much and everybody else has the Midas touch but if you look at the scriptures God specializes in using people that are not up to par in the world's eyes.
Moses had trouble speaking, David was an adulterer, and the woman at the well had been married multiple times. Maybe He has already told you what He wants you to do. If He has don't let anything stop you. If he hasn't told you seek Him for your answer. You have what it takes. You are smart, beautiful and able through Him. He is preparing you and giving you everything you need. You are not alone. Trust Him.
Father we trust you with our lives, with all of the things we are and all of the things that we are not. Use us for Your Glory. Help us to know that we are loved and not alone or abandoned. Help us to find our worth and purpose in you and not people or things. We know that you can take what little we have and turn it into something beautiful. As we begin to walk in your purpose for our lives we will always remember to boast about the things that You have done. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Happily linking up with holleygerth.com for Coffee for your Heart.
Are you secretly or in the open not feeling good about who you are? Are you feeling lonely or abandoned or maybe you just feel that nobody is there for you? Take some time to search the scriptures to see what God says about what you mean to Him. Write these scriptures down in your journal or on an index card and refer back to them whenever you feel that you are not enough. Remember, only God can fill your deepest longings.
Join me on Facebook this week where I will be posting Scriptures to encourage us to feel better about God's love for us and who we are in Christ. I hope you will post some too.